So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
