Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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