In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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