hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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