Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
