God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize