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the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
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