That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.