did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm too high and old for this...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
