The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
