That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
