I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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