Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
