I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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