I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
