You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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