The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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