Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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