No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
