apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
