she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
