after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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