Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just cropdusted the office
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize