You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
