You're my little dorito
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We need to rekindle our bromance
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
