**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You were trust falling into bushes
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
