After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
