he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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