I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
