sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
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This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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