I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
