Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
