I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
