chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
