I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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