I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
