She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
