the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
