My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
