Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
