how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
