Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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