I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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