Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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