i just wanna soil my oats bro
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
