Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
