Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
