I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
