Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
