My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
