well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
