I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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