Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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