i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
