are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My vagina is very pro this idea
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
