just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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