mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm just crazy horny about you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
