I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize