Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
