I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oh god it's open bar.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
