They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
