I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize