She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
