Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
