chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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