I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
