whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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