I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
