I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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