I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
