no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
