so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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