I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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