i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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