just come out here and I will go home with you...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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