I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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