How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize